Please Hear What I am Not Saying
by iceladys
Summary: I'm not very good at summaries... Hmm... It's basically this. Argh! Read it! It's better than the summary! Shuichi and Yuki melodramaticism! >>is there such a word?!
1. Deaf. Just plain deaf.

Please hear what I am not saying.

Author's notes: Waaa! I just finished my VERY first Gravitation fic! I don't usually write these kinds of fics… so sad! I'm a Gundam Wing parody writer so please don't rant about how it sucked!! -_-;; Hehe! New Genres…! :) Oh, btw, I won't put the legends and stuff. I', sure you'll understand the fic anyways… Enjoy my friends!

-I don't own Gravitation. I don't own Rukawa Kaede. I don't own Slam Dunk. I own the fic. You won't sue me!

-Iceladys

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**"Please Hear What I am Not Saying"**

**Chapter 1: Deaf. Just Plain Deaf.**

Shuichi Shindou. Bad Luck Vocalist.

Day 1

I can only write what I can't say… it's the only thing I can do. It's irrational for me to do this. But I guess I've had too much of a bad thing. Yuki… why are you like that. I've lasted 12 months of your crap. I don't know if I can go on like this eating whatever muck you want me to take. I can walk out the door and leave you now. Right now. Right this instant. But I guess I'm just an old softie and stay… why? Cause I love you… that's why. But you never seem to care. Never seem to show your affections. I know it's hard for you. I know you're not the vocal type like I am. But please, can't you give me a chance? Do I have to always stoop down for you? Just for your affection?

---------

Eiri Yuki. Novelist.

Day 1

Why? Why can't I say what I want to tell him? I know that I've caused him so much pain… it hurts me too. I wouldn't wonder if he'd leave me. I've treated him like shit from the time God knows when. Why can't I open up to him?? This so hard. It's so hard. You feel like you want to grasp your lover's hand… You think you have the power to do so… and then you'd realize that… that… you're numb. You can't move. Then you feel like you can't breathe as the hand you sought after, the hand that you need, the hand that you live for starts to fade away. Then you can't breathe. It's so hard to be me. Why can't I do this?

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Day 2

I don't understand. Why I have to be so nice. I know that if I leave you, you'd go insane. Maybe… maybe not. But still… You know I'd do anything for you. You know that I'll always be here when you need me. Can't you be there for me too? I can't believe I'm writing this… thought. Actually, THESE thoughts. It seems so not me. Okay, so I've repeated myself again… 

I came home today and I saw you, Yuki. You're in front of your computer. Typing away. I came in with the usual smile on my face… putting aside the pain you've caused me. I was jolly, happy and I even kissed you… but what did you do? You pushed me aside and said, once more, the things that you always say when I get home. "Shut up, stupid. You're distracting me. Can't you come home a bit more late? Haven't you had enough talking for a day? You've been singing the whole time you're away and you still have the energy to talk." I'm getting sick and tired of this. When night comes that you'd use me as your sex slave, I can't help but give in. Sometimes, I do enjoy the night. But nowadays, I can't help but cry. You only show you love me when you're drunk in lust or alcohol. It's not fair. It's just not fair.

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Day 2

Shuichi. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I even sent you outside in the cold. I knew you had a problem. I have problems myself. Why can't I help you? Damn, I wish you never met me. I wish you just ran off with your Hiro. You'd have a better life with him. But… at the same time… I can't let you go. I can't cause… I love you. There. …Those 3 words… the 3 words that can say it all… yet the 3 words I can't say. How ironic. I am a living irony. I'm a love story novelist but can't even write my own love story. I have stories with happy endings but my love story feels like a tragedy. It's so me…

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Day 3

Today, I think it's a bit more peaceful. You're away and I'll have the house for myself. Hmm… I wonder what you're doing now… you're probably having a blast since I'm miles away from you. No Shuichi to bother you and scream around like some bozo…

I can't believe you wasted your precious time and called me. That's a good thing. But I can't push aside this time the pain I have inside. I can't ignore it any longer. There's just one thing to do now I guess. It'd be better for the both of us… so many times that I wished you'd hear what I am not saying… so many time that I lost count of it. But up until now… you still don't hear it. I guess it's my fault to that you never knew of how much pain I'm feeling… but can't you sense it?

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Day 3

I miss you so much Shuichi… I'm so glad I had the guts to call you. You seemed a bit lonely… I tried my best to not sound too harsh or anything… It's so… quiet… I don't know how I stand the silence of my home… if it's a home. When I met you, the silence was broken. And it feels as if you're already the air that I breathe. That I'd die without you… But I push you away…  I've treated you like shit all the time and I don't know how you can stand it… but I sure can't. Shuichi… I… I can't tell you what… what I want to say… please… hear what I'm not saying… please…?

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Yuki came home that night. He opened the door and entered his home. It was seemingly odd that the lights were out. Also, it was quiet. "Hn…" He dropped his bag and preceded to the living room, hoping he'd find his lover… he wasn't there. He felt quite annoyed of his situation but assumed that Shuichi was probably in the bedroom. He entered the room to find that he wasn't there. A bit of panic came up to him as he searched his mind for some answers to his question… /Where the heck is Shuichi?!/ "Dammit…" He resumed to his study where he found a little notebook. He randomly opened the notebook to some pages and found that the owner only used 3 pages. /Just like Shuichi. What a waste…/ He dropped the notebook to the table, it fell backwards and saw that the notebook had a letter stuck to it. It says:

Hey! What's up? Hmmm, sorry if I can't be there to welcome you home. I'm practically far away now by the time you read my note. Anyway, if you're reading this, I suppose you wouldn't mind me using this to say goodbye. I've actually had enough of your stupid little games. It's just right that I change that and say stupid BIG games… or maybe not cause you'd say I'm so stupid. Well then, have a nice life Yuki! Maybe we'll see each other someday. I dunnow! Geeez, this is getting long isn't it? I wish you luck in your work! Bye 'til whenever! Oh yea, take your time reading this. It's very important!

-Shuichi shindig, bad luck vocals

/Wha…What the heck… Shuichi…/ 

"No… you didn't hear me didn't you…"

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Meanwhile… in Hiroshi Nakano's place…

"Shu… Will you be fine?"

Shuichi managed to smile a bit at Hiro. 

/Hmm… this is for the best./

"Hmm… Yeah. I guess… Thanks! I owe you a lot!"

/Shuichi… you torture yourself too much. But I'm here…/

"Don't mention it. So, what about that song you…"

Shuichi can't hear what Hiroshi was blabbering about. He knew he's trying to cheer him up so he smiled at times… but in his mind…

/Yuki… You… didn't hear me… didn't you?/

-----

Iceladys: At last! Chapter one is done! I cannot buhlieve this… Well, actually, I could, but I won't but it's here so why not?! 

Rukawa: …do'aho…

Iceladys: Hey! Kitsune, what are YOU doing here?! You're 80 Anime titles away from Gravitation you know!

Rukawa: …it was noisy there.

Iceladys: Here. *tosses a basketball to Rukawa* Wanna play a game before the 2nd chapter?

Rukawa: You'll lose to me.

Iceladys: *sweatdrops* Ano… it'll be fun! Practice! Practice! Practice!

Rukawa: …Where's the ring?

Iceladys: *snaps fingers and a whole basketball court appears* Over there!

Rukawa: …Nice… I'm sleepy.

Iceladys: But we're gonna play a game!!! *tears welling up on her eyes, cheeks red in super chibi figure*

Rukawa: /No! Not the teary eyes again!/ …let me sleep and I'll think about it.

Iceladys: ONE KING SIZE BED COMING UP! *snaps fingers again* Tada!

Rukawa: *walks over to the bed and sits* …Soft, hm?

Iceladys: /How would it feel to… Baah! Nevermind! Bad for kiddies!/  Goodnight, Rukawa-san!

Rukawa: Yea… Zzzzzz…

Iceladys: Oh well! I'll be writing the 2nd chapter while Rukawa here sleeps! Next chapter, we might have more guest! Chaos! Chaos! Chaos! Ja!

Rukawa: *stops snoring* …

Iceladys: …

Rukawa: …are they gone?

super chibi mode! ^_^

Iceladys: GYAAAAAHHH!!!! *nerves popping out of her forehead* I thought you'd gone asleep!

Rukawa: *pats the space beside him on the bed* 

Iceladys: *blushes* Urgent! Gotta go! Back in a flash!

---end of transmission---


	2. Heard, at last, by you.

Author's notes: Konnichiwa! Sorry for the long sidefic last time… Hehehe! Just having some fun! So, here's the 2nd chapter of Please Hear What I am Not Saying! Shuichi's kinda… Uhm… kinda… How'd you put this… Melodramatic here… Waah! So Sorry! I just couldn't help it!

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A little sidefic to spice up the day!

Enter a girl with blonde, below the shoulder length hair, royal blue eyes, wearing a white tank top with sports bra underneathe and leather pedal pushers and rubber shoes.

Iceladys: I kinda forgot to describe myself… Ehehehe… So there! Welcome to the 2nd chapter! Our guest for today is… Hoshiro-chan!

A girl shorter than Iceladys enters. Wearing a simple white shirt with a star in the middle, short shorts and fluffy bedroom slippers

Hoshiro: FYI for everybody. Hoshii + Shiro = Me.

Iceladys: Ah… hehe… he… Okay. This i-

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Iceladys: Who could that be… *opens an icedoor to see…* RUKAWA!

Rukawa: Oi. Your fics's ready?

Iceladys: chibi mode Why are you here?! You jumped 80 titles again!

Rukawa: …But it's fine with you.

Iceladys: *moves aside and lets Rukawa enter* Unfortunately… yes.

The two move over to the ice chair where Hoshiro is sitting, while sipping on a Coffee Experience cup…

Iceladys: Aaah… Warmer drink. What flavor?

Hoshiro: …Cold Choco.

Raven hair and Iceladys sweatdrop… -_-;;

Rukawa: And I thought I'd escape insanity by going here.

Iceladys: Well… Lets get on with the fic. Rukawa, do the honors!

Rukawa: Everyone, please look down.

Under this floating chunk of ice that caused Titanic to sink, the fic takes place…

**"Please Here What I am Not Saying"**

**Chapter 2: Heard at last, by you.**

After a month, Bad Luck's new single was released. A man with bond hair was browsing around a music store… He stopped beside a row of Bad luck albums and saw the new single…

Artist: Bad Luck

Please Hear what I am Not Saying.

A week later, Yuki heard that Bad Luck's promoting a new album, "Missing You". They will be on this place at this time…

"Wait for me."

Yuki entered the store and saw the row of people there. Someone recognized him for some reason and shouted his name. Suddenly, the string of people leading to Shuichi Shindou, Bad Luck Vocalist, parted like the Red Sea, thus giving way for Yuki to move towards…

"Shuichi."

Shuichi, in sheer trepidation wanted to run, wanted to hide. He didn't know what to feel but fear. /After the days we've been separated. I've seen you… again./ 

Yuki shoved his single, Please Hear What I am Not Saying, to Shuichi and said, "You know I did. Why didn't you?" Yuki felt his eyes fill with tears. He took out his shades /Thankfully, it's in the afternoon/, and took off. Shuichi's eyes also welled up with tears. He knew that for some reason, Yuki was right. /I admit… I still love you. I know you know that. I can't help this… This feeling…/ With Yuki still shoving his way out of the crowded store with little success, Shuichi stood up and sang:

Can't you see?

You're the clouds of my rain

Blocking the sun away

Using me 

To rid of all the pain 

That life is throwing you.

I can be the one you lean on

When at the same time

You make me bleed more

But it doesn't really matter to me now

You're the true love that I have found

But please hear

What I'm not saying

It's not easy giving and giving

At the same time never receiving

Anything

Hear the sound

My heart's whispering

Every word emanating

I'm still hoping and hoping

You'd hear

What I'm not saying.

Yuki stopped at his tracks. He wanted to look back. He wanted to hug his lover tight, once again, be reunited with him. /It's not too late. Go on!/ He clenched his hand into a fist and went back with Shuichi taking off to meet him at the middle of the way. Yuki felt the urge to kiss him then and there but instead, he just whispered to Shuichi, wanting to take it slow, "If you're not busy… can you meet me at the park? I really miss you and I…" Shuichi's mind was racing. He wanted Yuki to say it, but settled to think that no, Yuki can't do it.

Yuki on the other hand, clenched his fist tighter and said, "…I… I love you."  Shuichi, overcome with happiness, confusion, excitement, loneliness, and doubt took hold of his composure and said, "Sure. See you then." He decided to be more private since he didn't want an unexpected commotion there. They parted ways, with hopes in their hearts. 

/I did it. I hope I'm still Yuki when I meet… Shu-chan./ Yuki laughed at the thought… He's never called Shuichi 'Shu-chan' for a long time now. 

Shuichi regained energy to sign more autographs and have more pictures taken of him and his fans. He smiled wider, wrote autographs longer. /I was the one who decided not to stay… Yet I'm so happy… That he came…/ 

Hiro noticed the change in Shuichi. In fact, everyone noticed. But that didn't matter to anyone. At least he's got more energy for autograph signing! 

At long last, the 5 hours of waiting came to an end. It was 9 in the evening. The Bad Luck Members parted for their hour break and Shuichi finally walked towards the park. The place… where they first met. /Wait for me Yuki…/

Shuichi eventually reached the narrow path. It brought back sweet memories that Shuichi so often missed. He was mocked, brought down and hurt by the words spoken that night. Yet… it can't be denied that because of those bittersweet words, he met his lover.

Shuichi walked along, strolling slowly then briskly… slowly… then briskly. He can' decide wether to go fast, because of his extreme happiness, or slow, because of fear. Fear of again, rejection, which he doubted a bit. /Yuki… Where are you?/ Just when Shuichi was about to quick andstop at the next bench, he saw the silhouette of a man. The man was as tall as Yuki and was smoking a cigar. /The… The smell… Why is it so familiar to me?/ As he walked closer, he saw the person he was looking for.

"Yu… Yuki…" Shuichi fought the urge to scamper away. /I've been waiting for this! Why am I going to run away?!/, he thought. actually… Shuichi isn't the only one feeling this way.

Yuki himself was having some trouble on his own… /Damn… He's here! Well of course he is! You asked him to come all the way down here! Stupid! Sheesh… you can be so idiotic at time Yuki!/ Yuki, himself, was struggling. He wanted to, just like Shuichi run away! But he thought not. 

"Uhm… Shuichi… I… I'm sorry. I haven't been more vocal on you." Yuki was turning a bit pink, feeling embarrassment. He never really planned on anything to say and because of the lack of planning, his mind was racing, thinking of something (and anything, for that matter) to say. 

"I… I should say sorry too. I should've been more understanding towards you. I mean, you've gone through a lot and I should understand tha… that you can't help but be secretive. I… I'm so sorry, Yuki." Shuichi waited for a reply. /Please say something Yuki! Damn! I didn't think this is going to be THIS hard! Yuki!!!/

"No, it's my fault. I was so harsh on you. My acts of rudeness… it's unforgivable. Please, please forgive me Shuichi. I swear to try and be open to yo and to be true to myself, just please… please… don't leave me…" Yuki bowed down, trying to not show that he's crying. He was crying because… because he'd said all he needed to say. Of course, that wasn't all, but that's the best he could think of at that time. He was afraid though, that Shuichi would not accept his apology. 

Shuichi, on the other hand, was so happy. It was probably the second bestd ay of his life. If not second, one of the best. It was the first time Yuki brought himself down to his knees, way below Shuichi. /Yuki…/

"Yuki… What happens now?", Shuichi asked.

"It's up to you." Yuki wipes his tears away and managed to smile a bit. "Either we… part ways or… or…"

"Or?"

"…or…uhm… well… NOT part ways… Sorry!" Yuki laughs a bit… /Shit. What am I doing?!/ "I guess I'm starting to sound like an idiot to you!"

"No, of course not. Uhm… Yuki… I really… missed you… a lot for that matter!" Shuichi was smiling when he said this. /Ahhh… I'm so relieved! He even called himself… Idiot…!/

"So… I'll see you home?" Yuki moves to Shuichi and wraps his arms around his waist, gazed to his eyes and smiled… a REAL smile this time!

"Yeah… I'll see you home!" Shuichi was amazed at the sight. Yuki was smiling like a kid. Like the pictures he'd seen of Yuki when he was a child. Innocent. Before that day his life was shattered to bits.

Shuichi hugged him tightly. Firm but with love. Yuki returned the hug.

It seemed like time stopped for the two as they remained still, savoring the moment of bliss. They've never felt so much love in their life. It wasn't like the usual everyday hug they had every morning, not like the hug they did when they do the 'deed' and not like the other hugs left unsaid. This one was unique and special. This hug proved that Yuki truly loved Shuichi and Shuichi truly loved Yuki. 

After a couple of minutes or so that they've manage that long hug, they looked at each other. 

Yuki moved his head beside Shuichi's ear and whispered, "I feel like I can't separate from you today… Can I at least bring you to the studio?"

"Well," Shuichi said, thinking and at the same time, teasing.

"Please?", Yuki somehow managed a little, but not so pitiful pout.

"For that, you get to bring me to the studio and a kiss!" Shuichi gave Yuki a light peck at the cheek and they walked off… 

…I guess they heard each other crystal clear now… don't you think so?

---

Iceladys: R&R! Hehe! Gee, I finished one! Woohoo for me! ;p

Hoshiro: I finished my Cold Choco.

Rukawa: So, why don't we play a game?

Iceladys: You're not sleepy? *blushes*

Rukawa: *blushes even more* …

Iceladys: …Well, then! Let's play hoops!

Hoshiro: Can I play too?!

Iceladys: …There's 3 of us…

Rukawa: I can take on both of you.

Hoshiro: *glaring at Rukawa* Hey! 

Rukawa: …i won't say it.

Iceladys: …Good Rukawa… *pats Rukawa like a dog* Why don't we call on Mitsui?

Hoshiro: MITSUI-SAN!!!

Iceladys: Okay! *pulls a fishing rod from her pocket and clips a sign on the hook: '3 POINTS!' and throws it over 80 Anime Titles…* 

Then Iceladys catches something…

Hoshiro: *wearing a formal suit and holding a microphone* It's big!

Rukawa holding those things you use to make sounds every New Year

Rukawa… Rather, his… instruments…: TOOT! TOOOOOOT!!! *Rukawa pulls a string and confetti falls from the blue sky…*

***

Somewhere below…

Shuichi: Ano… Yuki, why is there confetti falling from the blue sky? *Yuki looks up and sees the chunk of floating ice*

Yuki: Must be Iceladys. *Shuichi looks up and sees a blue haired tall guy holding a basketball*

Shuichi: Definitely Iceladys

***

Hoshiro: It's tall!!

Iceladys: Arrrgh! Mitsui!!!

Rukawa: *wearing one those uniforms worn by his cheer leaders* "Yu-I-Yu-I-Chi. Pull it, pull it, Yuichi."

Iceladys: Sssh! It's Iceladys here! *pulls Mitsui up*

Rukawa: …and I'm the Raven Haired White Fox of the African Pride Lands…

Iceladys: MITSUI!!! You-re-so-Heavy!!!

Hoshiro: It's blue in hair!!!

Iceladys: EEEEYYAAAAAHHHH!!!! *finally pulls Mitsui up to the floating chunk of ice in the sky.*

Mitsui: Iceladys! I should've know!

Iceladys: Well…

Hoshiro: IT'S MITSUI!!!

Rukawa: *grabs hold of blushing Hoshiro* Mitsui, catch.

Mitsui: PASS! *Rukawa throws the hidden Hoshiro to Mitsui*

Mitsui: …Hello…?

Hoshiro: Hi! I'm Hoshiro! I just lo0ove yo-… basketball! I also like your 3 point…

Mitsui: Ah… I'm Mitsui Hisashi! *moves over to Rukawa and whispers* Very good Rukawa! Arigato Gozaimasu!

Rukawa: Yosh.

Iceladys: Ano… Mitsui, we were just about to play basketball. Wanna join?

Mitsui: Sure! You and Rukawa, Me and Hoshiro!

Hoshiro: *sigh* /My… Mitsui!/

Mitsui: *sigh* /My… Hoshi-chan!/

Iceladys: Hoshii Shiro. The court please.

Hoshiro: *whistles* A COURT!

Iceladys: Yay! Ikuso! *Everyone except Rukawa goes over to the court.*

Rukawa: Well, guess that's it. Another not-so-not-typical day on the chunk of ice.

---end of transmission---

Iceladys: BTW! R&R! No flames please! :( It's a first! Sorry bout the long sidefic! I hope you don't mind! Thanks to Hoshiro for being with me while writing this fic, Mitsui and Rukawa for once again missing their basketball practice… AGAIN! I'll email you, RUKAWA!


End file.
